Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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