im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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