If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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