My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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