Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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