i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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