Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
