I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
