We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
