Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
