Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
