No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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