so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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