Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
