He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
