Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I faked an abortion last night.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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