Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
