God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
