let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
