I love black thongs
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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