i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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