he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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