It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize