you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
