i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
