my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize