Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
