If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
