First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
