If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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