I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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