Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize