All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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