Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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