my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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