please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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