Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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