I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
