I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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