Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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