i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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