I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I see more hoeing in ur future
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