i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
