OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
