omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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