Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
