Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
