Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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