Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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