There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
