benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
