when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
