bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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