i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
