I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
