yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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