just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
