On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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