He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
