Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
