Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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