can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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