I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize