3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
