Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
