bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
