I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
