I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize