Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
