just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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