i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
