No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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