I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
