If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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