People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
