spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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