Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
