Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
