A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
