Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
