I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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