i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize