Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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