I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
