No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
