Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
