Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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