I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
