So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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