no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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