Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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