I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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