he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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