You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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