Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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