I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
